Saturday, December 12, 2009

Welcome Back Blotter

Hello, stranger. I haven't seen you since August, the seventeenth to be exact. I suppose I owe you an explanation, and that's okay because I need to take a look back anyway at just what the hey has been going on in the past four months.

Well, I started school and now the first semester is already over. I'm expecting A's in all four classes: counseling skills; addictionology; interpersonal communications; and English. The semester started well and my self-esteem was high. The weather was fantastic all semester and Loring Park proved to be a great place to establish some personal time. By mid-term I started to get a little down on myself for no apparent reason. I didn't like the work I was doing, especially for English, although I kept getting very high marks - one composition was even chosen to be included in future English 1110 curricula. By the end of the semester I was losing sleep and not overall pleased with myself. Despite the fact that I was maintaining my A status, I just wasn't happy with my work. It eventually ended up as if no matter how I tried to sabotage myself in the traditional way I just couldn't succeed. And that's good. So here I am academically solid as far as the school is concerned but I know I have plenty of room to improve. So I plan to make those improvements, and continue with fine standing.

I joined the Addiction Counseling Club, which is the student group for the AC program. I got heavily involved right away creating posters and flyers, and coordinating events for National Recovery Month (September), which for us was Recovery Week. The events were successful in their own very small way and not a bad turn out for such short notice and minimal planning. We had Darren Littlejohn, author of "The Twelve Step Buddhist" visit us from Portland and he conducted a powerful meditation workshop. That really opened my eyes to a great approach to recovery, and one I hope to pursue over the Winter break. I also attended the Minnesota Association of Resources for Recovery and Chemical Health conference in October. HUGE SUCCESS. Met lots of great people and really saw what was happening in the field today. Last month I was voted in as the new President of the ACC. It is still sinking in what this club can be. We are now affiliated with MARRCH - the first time a school has done so - and I have been asked to participate on their Ethics Committee starting 8 January. We will have a huge presence for their Spring conference in April. I have a great feeling about not only my internships but my professional career. I have a feeling it will be up to me where I work.

I found out yesterday that I won the Addiction Counseling Scholarship for the Spring semester. That is certainly a confidence booster. Also, I have been given the green light on the remainder of my treatment plan. It's officially over. That, too, is a huge relief.

Overall, a few things have been a bit scary but I'm learning to stand strong, and seeing the results from that effort. People say I've got too much going on with school, sobriety, and two jobs, but mainly I feel like I need to do more. The reational side of me says there is no possible way to do more, and that's the side that is getting more ear-time form me.

I really can't believe how much things have changed in eight months, and as it is now the twelfth (12:49 a.m.), this is my mark. Before the big change none of this would have happened, or if it had I would have found some way to completely blow it. I think that's what is going on in my mind - I'm so used to letting things slip away that I'm "trying" to do it now, except God won't let me muck this one up. We've got a pretty good thing going. I say that a lot to myself, but there's nothing wrong with being redundant if you're speaking the truth. I've been shown a good path that can help an incredible amount of people, and that's all I've ever wanted to do. Now, really, why would I want to fail?